Up until about two and a half years ago, I can honestly say that I never felt truly like myself, and I had absolutely no clue why. It seemed like everyone around me had everything figured out already, and somehow I had missed the boat, train or airplane that those people had gotten on to find their calling.

Having grown up as the middle of three kids in my family, I had gotten used to having my rises and falls compared consistently. I was also a slower learner growing up in school, and that frequently set me back amongst my classmates. As a youngster, I didn’t think anything of it, but as I matured, I slowly started to understand what that would mean down the line. I had no idea why I was so different, but it seemed like everyone around me did. Regardless, I kept a determined smile on my face and hope in my heart that someday, somehow, all of that shame that I was so good at hiding would eventually disappear.

September is National Suicide Prevention Month. While I have never tried to commit that very final act of ending it all, there are a handful of deep mental scars from times in my life that I’d rather forget. I won’t go into too much detail there, but I do want to draw on the steps in which I’ve come out of those dark mindsets. These are by no means sure-fire and guaranteed to work for each individual, but I want to do my part in removing the stigma centered on mental health, anxiety and depression and start a discussion on healing, recovery and giving your life everything you possibly can.

Acknowledge it.

As the saying goes, “knowing is half the battle”. I’m not sure of who came up with that, but it’s pretty right on the nose. Nobody can truly look at themselves in a mirror and say that absolutely everything in their life is and has been perfect and that they truly regret nothing. We all have things in our past that hold their own consequences, and in turn, we’ve all had to learn some tough life lessons the hard way. Masking and internalizing that shame that results from those consequences rather than looking at it straight in the eye head-on can only create mountains (rather than bridges). If you find yourself constantly asking “What if?”, you’re going to find yourself wondering the possibilities of life instead of actually living them. This is truly the hardest step, but the battle can be won if you give your life a chance to take it.

Know who’s on your team.

The more significant times in my own life where I’ve tried to escape from or hide my true feelings mostly revolve around grieving losses of relationships. This can be due to the drifting apart of friends, the breakup of an intimate relationship, or the death of a loved one. We have all likely experienced at least one of these losses, but might deal with them in different ways. I’ve found that reaching out to my “team” has always helped me at least in some small way to get through the toughest of obstacles. These people have been there for me in different areas and stages of my life, and while their words might be different, their messages are relatively similar. They want me to be happy, healthy and moving forward in my life. I hold them accountable for their supportive words and wishes, but they in turn hold me responsible to act.

Take baby steps and know your worth.

Nothing worth going for is ever easy, as one must acknowledge all the steps it took to get there. Sometimes those steps toward that dream began years ago, or maybe it starts today. The choice of how and when to start is up to the individual, but regardless of both, we need to put one foot in front of the other to start moving forward. Baby steps can turn to a hustle if we just keep trying our best to not let other things get in the way. My mother’s best advice to me was that “happiness is the best revenge”. Not that I would ever wish bad things on anyone, but she made me realize that if others can’t see the value in what I uniquely bring to the table, it’s up to me to realize it and move on to a better situation.

If any of you are going through some rough times right now, I hope you know that your life is worth reaching out for. We’ll never know how long we have in this life. Keep on, and know you’re loved for exactly who you are.

As the song of summer slowly winds down and the leaves begin to paint themselves and scatter, it gives everyone a chance to reflect on good times with friends and family, vacations, and the hustle and bustle of work. We turn our calendars to the fall season and realize that another year is meeting another end. Right around Labor Day and the start of another school year, many families take one final vacation together to spend time they might have missed due to camps, work, pool parties, weddings or other things. My family was part of that demographic as we backpacked through the Diamond Peak wilderness of Central Oregon last weekend. I hadn’t hiked in a while, much less while carrying all that could fit tightly in a camping pack. It was during this trip that I realized the things that we all must “carry” in life as we move forward.

Your “spark”.

Like I mentioned in my last post, the things that make yourself unique and drive you forward always will remain with you through life. Sigmund Freud founded the study of psychoanalysis, and believed that one’s personality is formed in the first few years of life, and then it will progressively mature as the brain ages. I don’t know if I believe exactly that, but I do think he’d agree that we all carry our own spark and passion for certain things, but we must do all we can to feed the flame in ourselves and in others so that we may grow.

Your dreams.

My first real job was as a summer camp counselor at age 18. I slept in cabins and teepees with my campers most nights, but we’d always have at least one night a week where we’d hike to a destination and sleep under the stars. There’s always a huge meteor shower toward the end of the summer and I can still remember watching all the “shooting stars” and being completely amazed. Our worlds (both physical and personal) are so microscopic in comparison to the universe as a whole, and sometimes it feels like our dreams are impossible to attain. The thing that I’ve learned about that, is that distance of light-years to the nearest or farthest stars will remain the same if we don’t try to reach them in the first place.

Your creativity.

Life can get really rocky and rigid if we don’t look outside the box and take it in from a different angle. Turning the world upside down can be incredibly scary if you’re so used to doing things only one or two ways. However, even if it’s baby steps, creativity can help ease the pressure of stressful situations, get organized, build confidence in our abilities, and keep us reflecting that life is an ever-changing experience.

Your patience.

Sometimes it feels like we carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. That feeling comes from responsibilities and relationships for the most part. Our responsibilities might include bills, work, health, while our relationships can center on friendships, family, and partners. That’s a lot to handle all at once, and it can get overwhelming. It’s ok to stop and take a breath every once in a while. The hills and mountains we all climb are different, with peaks and valleys in contrasting places, and we need to take breaks and possibly unload unnecessary baggage. This is not to say that all responsibilities and relationships are unimportant, but holding on to things that should have been let go of a long time ago weighs us down and keeps us from reaching our next phases of life.

Your memories.

All experience, whether we have them once or two hundred times, are once-in-a-lifetime. It’s important to look back on these adventures to remind us of who we were and who was also there to help ensure a positive and supportive path was always ahead. Of course we as individuals have our own experiences to reflect upon, but life is partly shaped around the people who want only the best for us, and who will continue the journey with you no matter what tomorrow brings.

I hope you all carry on through the end of this wonderful season, and move forward with me, wherever life goes next!

I have a 20-month-old border collie named Finnegan. He has a ton of energy and need for attention in the form of food, toys, and cuddles. I’ll be honest, though: I’ve said those two words of the title of this post more times than I can count. Finn’s “boop” face is pretty darn cute, but now he’s learned that all he must do to get attention is rest his head on a lap, look up and wait. You know what? He loves to play, he just loves it more when Jordan and I do it WITH him. You know what else? Sometimes that pup is a lot smarter than we give him credit for.

Remember back when we were kids when rather than picking up our electronics we’d pick up large sticks and pretend to be sword fighting pirates? Or pretending to discover new worlds by climbing to higher branches on the trees outside? Or—and this is my personal favorite as a native Portlander—taking couch cushions, blankets, chairs and pillows to make indoor forts when it rained? You could do anything and be anyone. All it took was a little “pure imagination” as one Willy Wonka would say. Ever wonder why so many kids have multiple dream jobs lined up when asked the question of what they’d like to be when they grow up? It all starts with play.

As children, play is incredibly important. It improves stamina and socialization, relinquishes energy, and promotes curiosity, cognizance and creativity. Play draws out different talents that make us all stand out in uniquely different ways, and hopefully gives us all the confidence to stand tall and be proud of our abilities while praising others for their own gifts. Play develops passions that, with practice, patience and progress, could take us all to reach bigger dreams that we may not have even thought were possible down the road.

As children grow into adults, however, sometimes that childhood confidence and curiosity dwindles. In my experience, the many reasons that can and does happen culminate from mainly two places: outside voices and inside doubt. No matter how much we hate to admit it, others’ opinions of what they think we can and cannot achieve matter and influence us all the time. Whether it be from the media to our closest loved ones, others’ perspectives can and do influence us to go in certain directions. Alternately, our own egos combined with our own fears that we might fail can also be a huge blocker in the pursuit of aspirations.

Do you know what I’ve found is the best way to quiet those voices? PLAY. As cliché as it sounds, dance like no one’s watching. Run as if you’re about to win the gold medal in the next Olympics. Pretend you’re Van Gogh and paint the world’s next masterpiece. Put down your phone, go outside, close your eyes and listen to the world around you and imagine a new one. Sing along to the radio even if you’re slightly off-key. Be silly! Take a look in the mirror for a few minutes just to make funny faces. And if you find yourself doing one of these more than once, practice, develop and change it from a hobby into a passion. You never know where it could take you.

Have a good week everyone! I’m off to go play with the dog.